How To Coach Your Clients To Transform Self Sabotage Into Self Mastery.
sent by Siddharth Anantharam | November 2, 2023
sent by Siddharth Anantharam
November 2, 2023
Why is it so challenging for people to make lasting changes, even when the stakes are sky-high?
The Struggle is Real: High-Performers are No Exception
Unmasking The Enemy Within: Understanding Self-Sabotage.
Here are two simple examples:
Example 1: The Weight-Regain Conundrum:
Example 2: The Financial Instability Loop
Hidden somewhere in both these scenarios is an ASSUMPTION or a BELIEF that is sub consciously protecting them from taking conscious action towards their goal.
Which is why as a coach if you only “coach the problem” without coaching the “person having the problem” you are missing out!
Harvard professors Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey coined this phenomenon as “Immunity to Change,” a subconscious mechanism designed to “protect us,” sometimes to our own detriment.
Here is a simple 4 step inquiry process that helps you draw out a person’s competing commitment.
1. Clearly Define The Goal
Ask your client to clearly define what their Change or Improvement goal is.
It is very important to ensure that the goal is clearly defined and there is a strong commitment to make changes.
Why is this goal important for you and for the people you care about?
2. Identify Counterproductive Behaviors
What do they do or not do that stands in the way of their goal?
In other words, looking at his behavior, what does he do that is counterproductive or hinders the goal, or conversely what does he NOT do that if he did, would support the goal?
3. Visualize Doing The Opposite
Now, ask your client to imagine doing the opposite of what he says he does, or does not do. Does he feel any discomfort, fear or anxiety?
The intention here is to find out what the individual is protecting himself against.
For example, if he tends to bully his way into a conversation when his goal is to create a trusting relationship, how would it feel to take a step back and just listen? Is there discomfort in that? What emotions come up? What does he fear? What would be lost of his identity if he adopted this new behavior?
By continuing to do the harmful behavior or habit, what are you trying to protect yourself against?
4. Spot the Hidden Belief
Identify the core ASSUMPTION or BELIEF that’s driving their behavior.
Have them write this down clearly so it becomes a clear insight.
What are you learning about your hidden beliefs and assumptions through this exercise?
3 Different Scenarios of Competing Commitments in Action
What distinction resonates most with you in your coaching journey? Share your thoughts and let’s learn together.